Archive for March, 2012

This is going to be a straight-up Star Wars Nerd moment, but oh well.

Today I watched Star War IV: A New Hope and I noticed something about the moment Luke, Han, and Leia escape from the Death Star. When they escape Grand Moff Tarkin asks Vader about the tracker on the Falcon.

Since the release of Star Wars in 1977, there has been a running joke about how “bad” of shots the Storm Troopers were. Well, I personally think they have gotten a raw deal. If the plan was to place a tracker on the Falcon so that the Empire could find the hidden Rebel base, would any Storm Troopers responsible for the killing of Leia or Han gotten their asses chewed or worse, choked out by Vader? I mean think about how sh*tty the deal these guys have gotten for all these years? When in reality they had no other choice but to miss their targets.

And let’s think about this more in depth? If the order had gone out to play a ruse to make it “look” like they were attempting to capture or kill Luke, Han, and Leia, what about the poor Storm Troopers that were sacrafised? I mean how many were killed for that ruse by Vader. Doesn’t this make Vader a bigger bad guy than he was already seen as? Sending innocent men with orders not to kill to be killed? What a d*ck!!!

And then think about the scene right after the Falcon escapes the Death Star and the four Tie-Fighters that were sent out after them. Didn’t those troopers think to themselves that maybe they could have sent out more than just four? And then the scene where Luke acts like such a bad ass when he takes out his first Tie-Fighter. I mean c’mon! These Tie-Fighters were obviously ordered to play out the ruse started on the Death Star…shoot, but don’t kill. Han was more right than we originally knew when he said, “Don’t get cocky kid.”

And what kind of B*tch is Leia. She knows, as she makes known when Luke and Han come back into the cabin of the Falcon after killing what we now know were Pawn’s in Vader’s game, that there is a tracker on the Falcon, but she still takes them to the hidden Rebel Base? What kind of sh*t is that? “Hey guys, they are tracking us, but let’s go to the base anyway because these plans to the Death Star are way more important.” How about stopping, stealing a new ship, and then going? Or how about f*cking emailing them or via some other bad ass communications that we all saw in Episodes 1-3? No, she doesn’t do any of that sh*t? She takes the Empire right to the hidden Rebel Base. F*ck if she wasn’t so worried about it, then maybe give up the location of the Rebel base before your home planet of Alderaan was BLOWN UP!!!

Now back to the Storm Troopers. Think of the hundreds, thousands, hell millions of Storm Troopers and other personel onboard the Death Star. Not just the Empire, I mean the Storm Troopers were breed to be Empierial pawns, as we leanred in Episode II: Attack of the Clones, so f*ck them, but what about the cooks in the cafeteria, or the maintence folks (because you know that toilets got clogged and lights went out on a base the size of a STAR!), or what about the janitors that had to keep all those floors all shinny? So all those millions of people on that thing and you build it with a flaw like a laser shot being able to blow the whole damn thing up?

And with this flaw being known, and you realize that the big lazers “protecting” the damn thing are too big to take out small ships (What the f*ck? What were they expecting to attack it?), you send out Tie-Fighters. Ok good idea, but look at the number that were sent out. You are on the verge of taking out the Rebel Base, about to end the rebellion for good, about to control the WHOLE F*CKING GALAXY, and you send out a hand full of Tie-Fighters? And the numbers are so low, that even Vader, the Second in charge of the whole Empire, has to go out and partake in the battle? If I were in charge, I would have sent out the whole damn fleet. We see them do this in Return of the Jedi (obiviously learned their lesson), but c’mon. I’ve heard of egotistical commanders, but this was utterly rediculous!

And then at the end of the movie we see Luke get an award from Leia, but who else get an award, Han Solo? What kind of bullsh*t is this? Han? What does he get an award for? For saving her ass? For getting the plans to the Rebels? Or for bailing out, and then showing up to get some of the glory after a dozen or so fighters were killed? And where is Wedge in this ceremony? He was there for the whole thing until his ship is about to explode on him? Where is his award for not only staying for the whole fight but also saving Luke’s ass in one of the best scenes (when he takes out the Tie-Fighter then blasts right through the explosion or maybe that was Biggs).

I love Star Wars. I watched A New Hope a thousand times when I was a kid, owned all the toys, and still to this day love the movies (except Episodes 1-3). Empire is by far my favorite, but 4-6 are still special to me in their own rights. Maybe its because I’m older and more synical, but really, the holes in New Hope are too hard to ignore. Watching the movie today only left me with questions and the realization that when it comes to writing, Lucas should stick to coming up with the ideas and leave it to Kasdan and others to fill in the holes. A New Hope opened the doors and Lucas did hand over the keys to others to make Empire, and the proof is there in the film making and total story. It was 1977 and if you watch any of the “Making of” docs, you can see that it getting made was a miracle within itself. I’m sure Lucas looks back at New Hope and wishes he could fill in those holes (instead he goes back and adds in idiotic shit). I say leave it the way it is. Yes, it’s not perfection, but it is special and generations should be able to see it the way it was originally released. Even with that being said, a disclaimer should be added at the end of the credits about the Storm Troopers. They’ve lived with the fact that they have been the joke of marksmen for decades, but in the end, they were just doing their jobs….acting as pawns for a truly bad guy!!!


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